There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
FUCK WHALES
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
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