Soap is not a condiment
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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