It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
