I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Randomize