mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Randomize
