Im at strip club and am horny
I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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