I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
