he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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