my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
