I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
Randomize
