She's JV to your varsity
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Randomize
