I just cut my nipple shaving
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Randomize
