The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
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