so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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