honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
