i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
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