I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
