DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
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Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
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