you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
cat food counts as protein by the way
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
Randomize
