How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
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