Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
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