He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
People with herpes should wear stickers.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
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