I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
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