My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
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