im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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