A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
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