I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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