you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
