I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
I just want to make out with him forever
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
