please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
