all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Randomize
