you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
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It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
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