They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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