if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
Welp...herpes.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
