Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
