Plan B is the new Plan A
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
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