her vagine was all disorganized.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Randomize
