YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
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