dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
well most of my day revolves around power hour
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
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