i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
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