Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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