Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
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He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
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The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
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