he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
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