That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
