When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
Randomize
