i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
