In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
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