can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
