Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
21 Of The Most Impressive Things Ever Seen In Porn
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
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Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.