I molested 6 butterflies tonight
I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out