Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
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He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
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I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid