I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.