I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
