A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
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