just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Randomize
