I bet he comes in French.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
