yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
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No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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