the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
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