please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
