Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
