I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Randomize
