I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
of course. lets lasso hookers.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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