I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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