sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
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