How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
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