Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize