She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize
