I think i sorta joined a cult last night
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
