i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Randomize
