I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize
